So my soul-sister, California-capitol-city girlfriend Becky sent me an e-mail yesterday. Subject: you'll enjoy this. Becky and I are remarkably like-minded — if she says I'll enjoy something, dammit, I do. So I clicked on the e-mail and got a great big shock.
You see, Becky used to date this guy called Lloyd. And they dated for a year, and she was so serious about him that she continued dating him even after learning that he is 1) a Southern Californian and 2) a Democrat (this was back before G-Dub fucked up things but good). She was super-devoted to him, and when he announced that he was going to run for the California Assembly, she spent the equivalent of weeks of time working on his campaign for free, and flying and/or driving herself down to LA (which is the pit of Hell, trust me) on most weekends, just because she's such a remarkable person. Becky has a big job and about forty philanthropic campaigns on her plate, yet Lloyd's campaign took up one of her two front-burners. Becky was the #1 campaign girlfriend — I for one figured she'd be the Assemblyman's wife before much longer.
As I recall, it was about two months after the election when she found out that Lloyd had ANOTHER girlfriend; and although he said this other woman was his “ex,” they were attending couples' counseling together. Naturally, this woman knew nothing about Becky. Broke Becky's heart. What a fucking bastard.
She got over it, got a way better boyfriend, who is WAY cuter and has an awesome sense of humor, so much so that he's a rising star of the Sacramento comedy troupe circuit (compare: the one time I met Lloyd, he struck me as rigid and cold, but it was at Becky's 30th b'day party, and he was meeting a lot of her friends for the first time, so I didn't want to pass judgment or anything).
Which brings us to my e-mail from Becky yesterday, that of the “you'll enjoy this” subject line.
It's an article from that past Saturday's Los Angeles Daily News, entitled “Assemblyman eyed for ABC's 'Bachelor'.” And it's all about that fuckhead Lloyd, described in the lede as “Six-foot-three and sharp in a pinstriped suit, Lloyd Levine could soon be one of the hottest men in America.”
Now, I've never seen “The Bachelor,” though my cousins had Andrew Firestone in their wedding as a groomsman, and he didn't seem much happier for his TV experience. But as far as I know, it's essentially TV-sponsored pimp-and-whoredom.
Which, I think, makes Lloyd the ultimate candidate: after all, he's been involved in California politics for *years*. Talk about a bad thing happening to a bad person. I hope they pick him. I can hardly wait.
Read it for yourself (and laugh at the faggy, ugly-tie-to-divert-your-attention-away-from-the-fact-that-he's-losing-his-hair picture) here.
And, because people from Becky's work read her blog so she can't blog about it, I've taken the mantle as a good sister would. So feel free to comment your support of Becky on my blog. She will read it and enjoy it over a glass of California wine with her adorable new boyfriend, who is worth 10 of Lloyd and would never, ever, ever choose a tie as ugly as Lloyd managed to pick for himself.