Hey Kids! Looking for some levity in the midst of all the doom and despair? Welcome to Motormouth Enterprises's new home version of “Guess the Appointee!” Match the appointee/nominee to the position for which Bush nominated him/her.

For example:

1) Michael Brown. past leader of the IAHA, the International Arabian Horse Association, who was fired for being “an unmitigated, total fucking disaster.” (source here)

… would match with

A) Appointed by G.W. Bush as “the first Under Secretary of Emergency Prearedness and Response in the newly created Department of Homeland Security in January 2003… head of Homeland Security's Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).” (source here)

(Fun fact: his tenure with IAHA is not mentioned in his FEMA bio)

Ready? Let's play!

THE NOMINEES AND APPOINTEES

1) Utah Governor Michael “Mike” Leavitt , whom Senator John Kerry described as someone who “has a record of working to undermine national environmental protections,” and whom environmental groups have criticized for “opening public lands in Utah to industry and development, allying himself with oil and gas industries and opposing the Kyoto treaty on global warming.” (source here)

2) HIV-positive Pennsylvania marketing consultant Jerry Thacker, who has called AIDS the “gay plague,” and referred to homosexualty as a “deathstyle.” (source here)

3) Dr. W. David Hager, a “pro-life” physician, whose six books “revolve around firm opposition to abortion, premarital sex, and emergency contraception,” and whom for seven years vaginally and anally raped his narcoleptic wife. When she objected, “'He would say, 'Oh, I didn't mean to have anal sex with you; I can't feel the difference.' And I would say, 'Well then, you're in the wrong business.'”[Hager's now ex-wife] recalled. (source here and here)

4) Samuel W. Bodman, venture capitalist and 14-year “Chairman, CEO, … Director” of Cabot Corp., a Boston-based chemical company whose “Securities and Exchange Commission filings show Cabot Corp. had a weak environmental record, and paid hefty fines on two occasions during Bodman's 14-year tenure. (Currently, Cabot's Boyertown and Reading, PA, facilities are at the center of legislation alleging decades old beryllium poisoning.)” (source here)

5) As governor of the top beef producing state, Mike Johanns “was highly critical of USDA's policy of announcing positive (or inconclusive)_ results from cattle tested for mad cow disease as part of the agency's expanded testing program.” Johanns also made clear “his opposition to allowing private beef producers do their own testing for mad cow disease. In response to Kansas meatpacker Creekstone Farms Premium Beef's petition to test all its cattle, Johanns remarked, 'The marketplace, in my judgment, must be based on science-based information. Otherwise there just is no end to what you could burden this industry with.'” While governor of Nebraska, Johanns proclaimed June 19, 1999 to be “Back to the Bible day,” and also a proclamation for “March for Jesus day.” “I wouldn't hesitate to sign a proclamation for the Jewish faith, Hinduism, whatever….so long as it doesn't require me to sign something I personally don't agree with,” Johanns was reported as saying in the Lincoln Journal-Star and the Omaha World-Herald. (source here and here and here and here)

THE POSITIONS

A) Nominated by G.W. Bush to replace Spencer Abraham as the United States Secretary of Energy on Dec. 10, 2004, and unanimously approved by the U.S. Senate on Jan. 31, 2005. Previously nominated by G.W. Bush to be the Deputy Secretary of the Treasury on December 9, 2003 and unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate February 12, 2004. Also served as Deputy Secretary of the Department of Commerce, beginning in 2001. (source here and here and here)

B) Appointed by G.W. Bush in 2002 “to the Food and Drug Adminsitration's Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs, a committee whose job it is to evaluate data and make recommendations on the safety and effectiveness of marketed and experimental drugs for use in obstetrics, gynecology, and related specialties.” In 2004, “Dr. Hager was reappointed to the committee for an additional year.” (source here)

C) Nominated by G.W. Bush in 2003 as the new administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency (to fill the spot left open by Christine Todd Whitman, who resigned), and in 2005 nominated by Bush to lead the Department of Health and Human Services. (source here)

D) Nominated by G.W. Bush on Dec. 2, 2004 to head the US Department of Agriculture. Sworn in on January 21, 2005. (source here)

E) Nominated by G.W. Bush in 2003 to the Presidential Advisory Commission on HIV and AIDS — this nominee withdrew his name from consideration on January 23 of that same year, “after news reports of his anti-homosexual stance.” (source here)

Can't figure it out for yourself? Here are the answers: 1=C; 2=E; 3=B; 4=A; 5=D. Winner gets a headache. Loser gets a cocktail.