Monstro, the boys, and I spent five days camping on Cape Cod. We arrived home today and the moment we hit city limits, it began to rain. Typical. Western Massachusetts is pretty much a rainforest these days. It's so green, I can squint my eyes and imagine I'm in Hawaii. Of course, I always did have an overactive imagination.

I thought camping would be difficult but it was actually spectacular. Our double-decker inflatable mattress assisted with this, as did no Internet or cell phone access. We were there with two other families from church and their kids were great about including Lex in their games. Babykins was teething pretty hard a couple of nights so our camping hostess rocked him to sleep on her decolletage, which is even more prominent than my own.

Lex and I are a little sunburnt — pretty damn hard to keep 50 SPF on a kid who won't stay out of the water — but we're being tough about it. Anyway, North Truro is the closest thing to bliss that Massachusetts has to offer. Highly recommended.

We were tasked with writing a satirical news article. Here's mine:

Jennifer Aniston Swears off Dating, Becomes A Nun

MALIBU, July 14, 2009 — Today Jennifer Aniston shocked the world by announcing her decision to become a nun.

“I’ve, like, dated a hundred guys, been dumped by the same, and the only one who’d marry me divorced me for Angelina Jolie,” Aniston said at her oceanside press conference in Malibu. “I figured the only guy left who wouldn’t dump me is God.”

Aniston will enter the Sisters of Inevitable Solitude at the end of the month. Mother Mary Can You Hear Me shared her feelings about the newest member of her flock.

“I understand that Miss Aniston is a smoker. We don’t grow tobacco leaves, so I expect she’ll have some transdermal patches packed in her luggage. We are, however, looking forward to her yoga instruction with our morning prayers.”

“We’ll be doing downward-facing dog for the betterment of humanity,” Aniston added.

Aniston, clad in a veil, black hood, and inky floor-length gown, fielded a question from the correspondent from “Vogue” about her atypical outfit.

“I haven’t gotten my habit yet, so I borrowed this from Warner Brothers,” Aniston said. “Do you like it?”

A reporter from The Huffington Post informed her that her outfit wasn’t a nun’s habit, but a typical Muslim burka.

“A what? I can’t hear you,” Aniston replied. “It’s really hot in this thing.”

Ex-boyfriend John Mayer happened to be on the Malibu beach, working on songs for his upcoming album “I’m a Doofus but The Women Love Me So Why Stop Now?” Mayer put down his guitar, scratched his butt, and said, “Yeah, Jen’s great. I’m sure she and Jesus are very happy together. With her track record, though, I hope he doesn’t dump her, too.”

The smarmy joylessness of Massachusetts has infected my very soul. I may never recover.

Kind of a false start today. Even with my new running shoes (thanks Mom), I just did not want to be at the track. It didn't help that when I turned on my iPod it told me to “Connect to Power.” Ugh. I ran about six steps, then started walking and doing arm exercises as I walked. By the time I made it one lap, it started to rain. I took that as a sign that God didn't want me to be at the track either. So I left.

In other news, today I feel weighed down with about 540 pounds of “I hate Massachusetts” malaise. FM!

Too many days away from the track and whew boy did I feel it!

1×400@3:05

1×200@1:44

2×100@?:??

Was coughing fit to beat the dog by the time I left. Uck.

On Friday I decided I couldn't stand my office another minute, so got to work mucking it out and rearranging. Time well spent. Then on Saturday, I dug through my half of the closet and most of my dresser drawers and donated the resultant eight kitchen garbage bags full of clothes to Goodwill. We have a new Goodwill in my town and I'm an avid shopper there — have bought a bunch of great clothes for the boys as well as a couple of cute things for myself. Last week I used my “avid reader” card, which gets me one free book a month. The book I picked up was from the organizer of that TV show “Clean House” and it details how to divest yourself of excess stuff, and why.

I'm not done yet, but I'm a lot closer, and the house is looking a lot better than it used to! I even dug all the books and magazines out from under my bed last night. It helped to have a package of baby-wipes nearby to wipe the lint and dust off the books and my hands.

I have a book of cartoons called “The New England Experience.” Monstro noticed it on my bookshelf.

“The New England Experience,” he said. “You open the book and it punches you in the face. And then it rains.”