I’m getting *really* tired of this United Nations vs. the Serbs battle. They’re threating air strikes against the Serbs again, which is striking fear into the hearts of those UN peacekeepers (who, in their baby-blue helmets, look barely adequate to stage an effective pillow fight, let alone ensure peace to the long- suffering muslims…). B. B-Ghali and his Gorazde band need to come up with something a little more threatening than “OK, Serbs, you better cut it out. We’re getting really really miffed and just might actually finally do something about it.”

The thing that amazes me about the minority Serb forces is that they’ve managed to gain control of 30 percent of Croatia and 70 percent of Bosnia, while armed with nothing but Yugoslav weapons. Their guns are certainly more reliable than their Yugos were! Too bad it isn’t the other way around…

BONEHEAD OF THE MONTH: Judge Albert Mestemaker, of the Hamilton County (Ohio) Municipal Court. After convicting Scott Hancock of punching his live-in girlfriend in the mouth, Mestemaker sentenced Hancock to marry the woman.

“I believe strongly in family values,” Mestemaker said after sentencing.

He believes that domestic violence is less likely to occur between married people than between unmarried people living together.

I guess Mestemaker didn’t read the news brief about Dale McDowell from the same issue of the Merc: 24 hours after his release from prison (where he was serving time on domestic violence charges), McDowell was arrested when police found his wife’s murdered body in the trunk of the car he drove to pick up his son from day care.

So, what did I do after reading July 15th’s paper? I went to church… to be a bridesmaid for a girlfriend of mine.

Swell…