Monstro was gone and incommunicado for four days (no, not at rehab, you jokesters), hence my lapse into mental illness this weekend, but he is home safely now, and the illness is subsiding if not gone. And the last thing I want to do today is go to work, and if the creek behind our house keeps rising the way it has been, I won't have to.

I've been reading this guy's blog somewhat obsessively for the past few days, having clicked to him from this guy's blog, and just when I was thinking of signing off from the day, Gimpel's June 1, 2005 posting made me laugh out loud for the first time all day. So thanks!

…which I can't even blog about, because (of all things) it might impinge upon my own personal safety, but if y'all could think good thoughts that the weather isn't too effing heinous Sunday night and Monday morning, I would really appreciate it, and if those of you who have my phone number could call me tonight or tomorrow I would really appreciate that, too, because I am feeling upset and apprehensive and those of you who know me, know that's when I'm at my funniest. Really. I had Kris in stitches tonight on the phone. And no, it wasn't the vodka talking.

I will be happy to coredump on Monday, when it is to be prayed that all is well.

Thanks.

I have finally found an ice cream that can knock Cold Stone Creamery's banana ice cream off of the pinnacle of the ice cream mountain.

(mmmmm…. ice cream mountain)

I am pleased to report that Ben & Jerry's “Creme Brulee” flavor is the best. ice cream. ever.

Talk amongst yourselves whilst I grab another spoon.

I went out this morning and rented an electric guitar from our local music store! It's a Fender Stratocaster, black with a white plate, totally sexy and as much fun as you can have while clothed and sober.

Steve has posted an amazing video on his blog and I think you all should go see it because it's lovely.

OK, so if I get the Nikon D80 with the wide-angle lens and the telephoto lens and the strobe and the purchase protection plan I'm going to be out around $1800 bucks. I've saved close to a grand and have major checks arriving next week from my final month of The Most Lucrative Freelance Assignment Ever. But do I really want to spend $1800 when I have a film camera that works perfectly well?

This is my dilemma. Hubby bought a new Nikon digital point and shoot (it's so cute!) last week so there IS a new camera in the house, and it cost about 10% of what I'm looking to spend on the NIkon D80, and it's quite fun.

In the meanwhile, I'm itching for an electric guitar, which would also be an investment to improve my daily Music Time with baby — and considering I already have an amp and microphone and mik stand, wouldn't cost me as much on the back end.

OR, do I channel BeckyJSacto and blow it all on shoes?

Now, used to be I was never without a trick for April Fool's, but alas, I am becoming stodgy in my old age. Nevertheless, now that I've finished reading Infinite Jest, today is the day I move on to my second book of the year: Gravity's Rainbow. And if that isn't the best way to spend April Fool's Day, I don't know what is.

Happy Palm Sunday, everyone!

To the members of the Mytown Playwrights' Lab: I am so sorry for telling Kris that you simply weren't brilliant enough to surmise my delirious new play, and I thank you for your comments, and muchas gracias to Monstro as well. Baby obliged today, so I took the extra naptime hour to synthesize your many but not, no, never “pigeon-dung stupid” questions about my new play, FIRST DATE, LAST DATE:

• they're both attractive but they have trouble dating: why? She's social to the point where she gets a cheering squad.
• Maybe he should realize that they're not meant for each other. Otherwise they're just small talking.
• why do they think [the first date] is going well? Clearly they're not good together, but there's never a point where he realizes it's not going to work.

Here's why:

JAY: Jay has always been the slow one with the affable personality. Didn’t graduate college. Scrawny as a kid, he now looks fewer than his 40 years, and takes a kind of surprised pride in that. He’s the middle child, eager to please yet underlyingly selfish and attention-hungry. His recent diagnosis and ongoing pharmacological treatment for depression, coupled with his father’s genetic, progressively damaging illness, has pushed Jay to pound the Internet for a girlfriend, or at least someone to make out with.
ELLE: Elle has recently suffered expulsion from her close-knit neighborhood, following her housemate’s addiction to heroin. She is pretty and bubbly but does not suffer fools, having for so long been one herself. She mellows into the first date and is not interested in any grand romance. Currently working toward her MFA at the local California State University, she is happy, but closed. She knows how to get people to like her, when it suits, but she is NOT social. She’s willing to date, on her terms: no intensity, no bullshit; Hence, Internet dating.
TOGETHER: Each belongs to a world the other can't enter and wouldn’t want to. From the start, they realize that it’s not going to work, but they’re both lonely and damaged, and recognize that in one another, so why not give it a shot?

So, now all I gotta do is make sure all that gets added via my typically witty and en·light·en·ing dialogue, and I'm done!

I can't believe it's only been two-plus weeks since our wedding anniversary. After going to CA with baby while Monstro stayed home and built scenery / studied for his Q.E. (which he since has taken, and needs to report), followed by his three-day ICON debacle, capped with a week of Q.E. and my introduction to JMG, I am done. Done done done.

Tomorrow is Communion Sunday and Palm Sunday at my church, all rolled up in one. Have I mentioned I'm the Sunday School Superintendent? Pretty much all I hear about it is complaints that “we don't have Sunday School on Communion Sunday, wahhh.” Well, we used to have seven teachers and now there are four, and one's leaving at the end of this school year, and probably, so am I.

My phone call with Hollywood started well and ended lukewarm. Then effusive e-mail to moi. One line back to him, and now the wait.

In the meanwhile, the first act of my new play has major, but not insurmountable problems, since identified. I'm not going to lie; I expect a certain… *level* from my audience. As such, I underwrite. I'd had a lot of stage directions and interpretations built into the script, but for this reading I took 'em all out and I think the play suffered for it. I believe that the dialogue should fuel the action, though, and I don't want to be directorial, because a stage manager who dissed me for the PACE unstaged readings said I made it all TOO specific.

Ugh.

And in the same underwriting vein, I sent Hollywood my CV and a two-page list of completed/in-process productions, but I didn't include Liz, or the Oscar I'm going to win for that same Tony-award winning dot dot dot with the help of David Cutler, once I can pay him. But you know, for a bio, he's just going to have to read my stuff, which Carlin suggested I let him do after signing his standard non-disclosure pact, and offering a FREE, THIRTY-DAY OPTION on the sole condition that at the end of said period, I'd get the names & contact info for everyone he sent it to.

Jay told me to just wait and be patient. I'm utilizing my time wisely with a complete overhaul of my quin·tes·sen·tial domain name, probably the seventh redesign it's undergone since 1995. I have gone deep background into myself and culled all my Web columns going back to 1993 and beyond. Yesterday I reposed on the new bed and sketched what the pages would look like. There's a LOT of pages, but they can be streamlined.

Basically, I've got the material to fuel a drama army.

And even if he's blowing smoke, hey, *somebody* found *me*, and commented, and asked *me* to call *him*. Which is pretty cool, no matter what happens, and has given me the added boost necessary to start sending my own stuff to agents, if need be. So, either way, it's a win-win. I like those odds. 🙂