Hey Kids! Looking for some levity in the midst of all the doom and despair? Welcome to Motormouth Enterprises's new home version of “Guess the Appointee!” Match the appointee/nominee to the position for which Bush nominated him/her.

For example:

1) Michael Brown. past leader of the IAHA, the International Arabian Horse Association, who was fired for being “an unmitigated, total fucking disaster.” (source here)

… would match with

A) Appointed by G.W. Bush as “the first Under Secretary of Emergency Prearedness and Response in the newly created Department of Homeland Security in January 2003… head of Homeland Security's Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).” (source here)

(Fun fact: his tenure with IAHA is not mentioned in his FEMA bio)

Ready? Let's play!

THE NOMINEES AND APPOINTEES

1) Utah Governor Michael “Mike” Leavitt , whom Senator John Kerry described as someone who “has a record of working to undermine national environmental protections,” and whom environmental groups have criticized for “opening public lands in Utah to industry and development, allying himself with oil and gas industries and opposing the Kyoto treaty on global warming.” (source here)

2) HIV-positive Pennsylvania marketing consultant Jerry Thacker, who has called AIDS the “gay plague,” and referred to homosexualty as a “deathstyle.” (source here)

3) Dr. W. David Hager, a “pro-life” physician, whose six books “revolve around firm opposition to abortion, premarital sex, and emergency contraception,” and whom for seven years vaginally and anally raped his narcoleptic wife. When she objected, “'He would say, 'Oh, I didn't mean to have anal sex with you; I can't feel the difference.' And I would say, 'Well then, you're in the wrong business.'”[Hager's now ex-wife] recalled. (source here and here)

4) Samuel W. Bodman, venture capitalist and 14-year “Chairman, CEO, … Director” of Cabot Corp., a Boston-based chemical company whose “Securities and Exchange Commission filings show Cabot Corp. had a weak environmental record, and paid hefty fines on two occasions during Bodman's 14-year tenure. (Currently, Cabot's Boyertown and Reading, PA, facilities are at the center of legislation alleging decades old beryllium poisoning.)” (source here)

5) As governor of the top beef producing state, Mike Johanns “was highly critical of USDA's policy of announcing positive (or inconclusive)_ results from cattle tested for mad cow disease as part of the agency's expanded testing program.” Johanns also made clear “his opposition to allowing private beef producers do their own testing for mad cow disease. In response to Kansas meatpacker Creekstone Farms Premium Beef's petition to test all its cattle, Johanns remarked, 'The marketplace, in my judgment, must be based on science-based information. Otherwise there just is no end to what you could burden this industry with.'” While governor of Nebraska, Johanns proclaimed June 19, 1999 to be “Back to the Bible day,” and also a proclamation for “March for Jesus day.” “I wouldn't hesitate to sign a proclamation for the Jewish faith, Hinduism, whatever….so long as it doesn't require me to sign something I personally don't agree with,” Johanns was reported as saying in the Lincoln Journal-Star and the Omaha World-Herald. (source here and here and here and here)

THE POSITIONS

A) Nominated by G.W. Bush to replace Spencer Abraham as the United States Secretary of Energy on Dec. 10, 2004, and unanimously approved by the U.S. Senate on Jan. 31, 2005. Previously nominated by G.W. Bush to be the Deputy Secretary of the Treasury on December 9, 2003 and unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate February 12, 2004. Also served as Deputy Secretary of the Department of Commerce, beginning in 2001. (source here and here and here)

B) Appointed by G.W. Bush in 2002 “to the Food and Drug Adminsitration's Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs, a committee whose job it is to evaluate data and make recommendations on the safety and effectiveness of marketed and experimental drugs for use in obstetrics, gynecology, and related specialties.” In 2004, “Dr. Hager was reappointed to the committee for an additional year.” (source here)

C) Nominated by G.W. Bush in 2003 as the new administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency (to fill the spot left open by Christine Todd Whitman, who resigned), and in 2005 nominated by Bush to lead the Department of Health and Human Services. (source here)

D) Nominated by G.W. Bush on Dec. 2, 2004 to head the US Department of Agriculture. Sworn in on January 21, 2005. (source here)

E) Nominated by G.W. Bush in 2003 to the Presidential Advisory Commission on HIV and AIDS — this nominee withdrew his name from consideration on January 23 of that same year, “after news reports of his anti-homosexual stance.” (source here)

Can't figure it out for yourself? Here are the answers: 1=C; 2=E; 3=B; 4=A; 5=D. Winner gets a headache. Loser gets a cocktail.

Google Search: Results 1 – 10 of about 15,300 for Bush Quotes “love your neighbor”. (0.06 seconds)

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

My favorite entry is from an 05/2004 “ask the President event,” wherein he states, “love your neighbor just like you'd like to be loved yourself.”

Just like you'd like to be, baby. What does that mean (except that he must be one of those Christians who doesn't actually read the Bible, but allows someone to interpret it for him)?

The really funny thing is, I read this exact wording vis a vis Bush and Katrina this week. So he's been getting it wrong for more than a year.

Oh, and I've received my first “Trackback” — from a blog called bushisincompetent.blogspot.com . Frankly, I could not be prouder.

Things do happen in threes: Hurricane Katrina, the bridge tragedy in Iraq, and now the death of Chief Justice Rehnquist. Here's my best-case scenario for getting through this:

1. Congress impeaches President Bush for being an incompetent (Katrina), lying (WMDs) wad of rancid spermatazoa, and he is forced to leave in shame, killing all hopes of another generation of Bush dictato… uh, presidency.

2. Cheney becomes president.

3. The press corps stops being the White House's glory-hole invitees, and shines light on what Cheney's been doing behind-the-scenes for the past five years.

4. Additionally, Cheney's current dirty-dealings grind to a halt under intense media scrutiny.

5. Disgusted, all the non-fuckwad Republicans (myself included) re-register as Libertarians.

6. Three years later, the country boots out the fascist theocracy currently in power.

Hey, I'm pregnant — I can dream, right?

I saw this post on how to prepare your cats for evacuation and thought it was worth sharing. I'd never heard of potty pads before — sure could have used something like this for Maxwell when we moved cross country — but it sounds like a good investment. Makes sense to keep a bottle of water, a couple of Tupperware bowls, a Ziplok baggie of food, and a package of potty pads in your beasties carrier/crate…

I don't want this to be too long because I want the headline of my last post to be visible on the opening screen for as long as possible. Monstro has promised to make an ACLU media ruckus when the Feds come to arrest me for spewing Anti-American sentiments. What a darling.

I always hated math. And then I learned geometry. And finally, there was a segment of the mathematical world that I loved. Proofs! Ways to prove yourself in math using WORDS! I was hooked. It's been a while since I practiced it, though. Let's try one now:

Proof that George W. Bush hates Poor Southern Black People who didn't Vote for Him

The mayor told everyone to leave New Orleans on Sunday.

New Orleans ranks fifth in the United States in terms of African American population and 67 percent of the city's residents are black.

Hurricane Katrina devastated Orleans Parish.

Most of the people seen in pictures of the aftermath are black.

Many of those interviewed could not afford to get out of town when the mayor issued the order.

78% of Orleans Parish citizens voted for Kerry.

New Orleans is a disaster of Biblical proportions: lawlessness, anarchy, and natural disaster.

Many of those in “shelters” haven't eaten for days, and “the New Orleans police chief said 15,000 people are trapped in the city's convention center.”

“And he said some are being raped and beaten.”

“Alan Gould, a man who is an evacuee inside the convention center, told CNN that women and small children are being raped and killed. He called it genocide. He said officials keep giving them the runaround, saying 'Help is coming. Help is coming. Help is coming.' But he said people just keep dying.”

Judging from every newspaper photo I've seen, most of the people in shelters are the aforementioned poor black people.

In the meanwhile, search and rescue has been halted in order so that the cops and militiary can take care of the looters.

The mayor of New Orleans has told the Feds: “Get off your asses and let's do something and let's fix the biggest goddamn crisis in the history of this country. People are dying. They don't have homes, they don't have jobs.”

In the meanwhile, National Guardsmen are “on alert” in 17 states “in case they're needed.”

The biggest thing President Bush has done is gone running to his daddy and his former political rival to get people to donate money.

Oh, and cut his vacation short by two days.

Oh, and he's “vowing to 'get on top of this situation' and to 'help people who need help.'”

No word on if that includes the poor black people who didn't vote for him.

Kind of makes you wonder what he'd do if the hurricane hit in, say, Ohio, home of the white people who voted for him.

Or Crawford.

Or Saudi Arabia…

So last week I noticed I had a new commenter hanging around, someone who logged in anonymously, but always posted with a subject line of “Tomas Gurid.” I was flattered — for a while, all of the recent comments were “Tomas Gurid” — but then today I got a similar comment from someone else with a rather nonsensical name, “Gren Miller.” Hmmmm….

So I viewed the source of the comments page and noticed that after the three word comment, there followed a programming statement of:

“div style=”position: absolute; top: -1000px; left: -1000px; visibility: hidden;”

HIDDEN? What the fuck?

Turns out “Tomas Gurid” uses these minimalistic, poor-English comments to pollute blogs with ads for his crappy-ass online poker website. The thing is, this spam can't be seen by the person viewing the page, unless they choose the “View Source” option on their browser software. Maybe it assists with search-engine ranking; I don't know. All I know is that I've deleted all but one of his comments (for verity's sake), and will continue to do so. I've also added his IP addresses to my firewall so he can't post.

Now, I'm all for freedom of the web, which is why I've never deleted the series of harassing comments from my “movies movies movies” post a couple of months ago (well, that, and the hopes that the Comcast subscriber responsible for those posts will come back and post some more). But I will not be played for free advertising for sucky, black-market Web sites. And I'll google and technorati “Tomas Gurid” to let the webmasters of other sites he's commented on know what nefarious tricks he's up to.

Stamp out Tomas Gurid! Tomas Gurid no more!

Professor Harvey B., the person from whom I have learned the most in an academic setting, has just informed me that he's been “offered the opportunity for a heart transplant,” and expects the operation will take place in early September at the Stanford Medical Center.

I cannot overstate the impact this man has had on my life. It was the paper I wrote for his Myth and Symbolism class that I presented at the Chico State EGSC conference — the conference where I met a fellow co-panelist who, a year and a half later, became my husband. Harvey was also the person who opened my eyes to the magnificence of Britian's finest poet, artist, mystic, and prophet, and his legacy will live on in my son's middle name, “Blake.”

I'm stuck here on the other coast and, being pregnant, can't even give blood in his name. So, please, if you're eligible, donate some blood this week in thanks for Harvey, and pray to whichever all-powerful force you believe in, be it God, Yahweh, Jesus, Shakespeare, Fellini, or that cute Golden Retriever puppy down the street. As a leading scholar of myth and symbolism, it will all be the same to Harvey, I feel certain.

Well, based upon my “Best Compliment Ever” post, the Comtesse sent me an online quiz to determine my loyalty to the Republican party. Here's how I did:

Republican Loyalty Quiz: 10 Questions to Test Your Allegiance to the GOP

Your score is 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. You are a devoted Democrat. You tend to walk in lockstep with the party, even if you have not agreed with every decision Democratic leaders have made. The few differences you have are nothing compared to your complete and utter contempt for the Republican Party and the intolerance, fanaticism, and warmongering for which it stands.

Huh. Well except for the “devoted Democrat… walk in lockstep” sentences, the rest of it seems about right.

Take the quiz yourself and post a comment here about how you did. C'mon, it's fun!

So they couldn't do something worthwhile, like convince Christopher Walken to run for president, or air another season of “Angel” or “Joan of Arcadia.”

But film a “Sin City II”? No problem, according to Frank Miller.

I'm going to go take a nap now.

I remember when the “Sin City” trailers hit the Internet. “I don't want this to be one of those movies we say we're going to see and then we don't,” I told darling husband. He nodded and went out for a smoke.

We never saw it in the theater. So today, when we went to the artsy-fartsy video store for two-for-one day and saw it on the new releases rack, I snatched it up like so much fresh popcorn with hot melted butter.

We finally watched it tonight. And really, all I should really need to say is, “I feel guilty for exposing my unborn son to it.” But, being the motormouth I am, I'll go a few paragraphs better.

“Sin City” is the filthiest movie I've ever seen. This includes “Pink Flamingos.” Hell, it even includes “Sex World,” a porno I saw in my early years of babysitting. Right around the scene with the heads mounted on the wall and the cannibalism, I turned to monstro and said, “I can't believe they got away with an R rating.” This is not NC-17, children, but X. Maybe even triple-X. The women are pieces of meat who get all the shittiest lines, usually right before the ultraviolence kicks in. The men are all wanna-be noir, directed by people who don't have the slightest clue as to what noir really is. If this is lifted from Miller's graphic novels (much more graphic than novel), then I feel remorse for the trees who gave their lives. It's not only pointless, but full of holes; a world where all the women, even the 11-year-old virgins, will grow up to become objects, and the craggy, two-brain-cell men will stop at nothing to “protect” them. Everyone dies, or loses a piece of themselves, in the process. Especially the audience.

Oh, and if that's not enough to keep you away from it, consider this: it's shot so poorly, that Jessica Alba looks like Hilary Duff.

Thank God we got it for free. If we'd paid $17 of our hard-earned money to see it in the theater, I'd have asked for my money back after the first 30 minutes.

Save yourselves. Avoid “Sin City.” Read a nice book, instead: like I'm going to, right now, to get the taste of it out of my brain, and hopefully salvage the damage I've just done to our little unborn baby.