I ordered some Sea Monkeys a few weeks ago but instead they sent me sea urchins. No shiny golden crowns… these wear tattered brown jackets and too-small shoes. My tank's all grimy with soot and they're endlessly hitting up my betas for extra change, or gruel.

“Please, sir, may I have some more?” they whine, plaintive.

Mel·an·cho·li·ac (yes, it's a noun, but I want to change its job description) sea urchins. Urchin infestation; the fishtank as ghetto. It's a total drag. I'm never ordering Sea Monkeys again.