I haven't watched their show this season out of protest, but I did visit E! Online late last night to find out what their “surprise announcement” was. Splitsville. Divorcetown. It's too bad. But, based upon the wise words of my dad's wife, not surprising.

You see, shortly before Monstro and I were married, Donna shared with us her #1 tip for keeping a marriage together.

“Don't ever renew your vows,” she told us. “Everyone I ever knew who renewed their vows got divorced shortly thereafter.”

When Jon and Kate went to Hawaii last season and renewed their vows on their ninth wedding annviersary, a frisson of foreshadowing crept along my spine. I was hoping they'd beat Donna's odds.

No va, amigo.

So, let this be a lesson to you: don't renew your vows. Oh, and don't have a million kids and then have a TV show about it. And don't be an insufferable shrew or an irresponsible prick. All of the above will send you the way of Jon Minus Kate.