Project Runway: Wrestling Mania. Or maybe it's Jump-the-Shark Mania? It may just be that I'm in a terrible mood because the novel I finished reading 15 minutes ago was resplendent in its worthlessness to humanity.
Ricky pretends like he's not going to stick with his model, but he does. His acting skills are on par with his design skills.
Speaking of resplendent, heeeere's Tim! Time for a field trip.
Omen: We hear shrieks from within the Runway room, and thunder booms outside my window. The door opens and it's a six woman wrestling free-for-all. It's the WWE Divas. Tim rings the bell, climbs into the ring (with difficulty). The ladies introduce themselves and their personal styles. Ricky chooses Layla; Chris chooses Maria; Jillian chooses Michelle; Christian chooses Crystal; Sweet P chooses Candace; Rami chooses Torrie. They are given thirty minutes to consult with their Diva, and then they get 30 minutes and a hundred bucks to spend at (wait for it…) Spandex House! Thank you, Spandex House!
Chris says they're designing “stripper tranny-wear.” SP, Rami, and Jillian look terrified. They'll work till tonight and all day tomorrow. Rami is, no surprise, draping his hot-pink spandex.
DAY TWO: Sweet P is thinking “Pin-up Girl.” Jillian is making a bra top and short-shorts. Chris is going for “caged jungle animal.” SP and Christian arm wrestle; SP cheats. They hug.
In come the Divas for fittings. Chris's is delighted. SP's is not. Tim's concerned about Ricky's choice of orange. Christian's Diva loves the outfit and proposes marriage to him.
SP, Chris, and Christian discuss their wrestling alter-egos in a conversation too stupid for public consumption.
Tim's concerned about Rami's choice of hot pink. Dude, there's 45 minutes left in the last day. What can he do?
Tim thinks SP's is “Eva Gabor in Green Acres.” SP's in tears at the sewing machine.
RUNWAY SHOW-DAY:
SP thinks she's out, which means she isn't. Candace is happier than expected. Ricky's outfit is an orange bathing suit. Jillian's Diva is thrilled, though Jillian is, as always, the last one out the door.
Heidi looks like her dress came from Sparkly Spandex Haus.
The bottom half of Jillian's shorts is missing. Chris wishes he could wear the outfit he made. The judges look charmed by Sweet P's. Rami's is gross and makes his Diva look like a blonde Mack truck.
With all the Divas on the runway, Michael Kors feels “like the Pope at a sex club.” They hate Rami's; they like Christian's and Jillian's. Candace turns on SP on the runway.
They LOVE Chris's. “Looks expensive.”
Nina likes Ricky's as a bathing suit but they all hate the cover-up. They all leave the runway and the judges dish.
Heidi: Ricky missed the boat.
Kors: The tunic looked like a disco haircutting smock.
They bitch about Rami and SP, too.
My prediction: Chris to win, Ricky to lose.
What happened: Chris wins! Ricky loses! No more stoopid hats. Whoot! Christian's all like, “finally!”
They bit